How old is old enough?
At the weekend and during a particularly stressful journey along the M56 in rush hour, my eleven year old daughter demanded I give her ‘one good reason’ why she wasn’t allowed to join Facebook. She had spent the best part of the previous hour setting out the case for (which can be simply summed us as, ‘because all my friends are allowed’) so yes it was fair I give the case against, which I tried also to sum up in one simple sentence – because you’re not old enough. Unfortunately, as anyone who has ever had a conversation with a bright eleven year old with the bit between their teeth will know, it’s not always that easy…
Me: You’re not old enough to be on Facebook
Her: But all my friends are
Me: But they’re aren’t old enough either
Her: I’m not a baby you know
Me: I’m not treating you like a baby
Her: You don’t trust me
Me: I do trust you, it’s other people I would be concerned about
Her: I wouldn’t write anything bad
Me: I’m sure you wouldn’t but other people might
Her: I won’t read anything bad
Me: But you can’t help what other people write
Her: I feel really left out
Me: You’ll have to communicate with your friends in other ways
Her: But all my friends are on Facebook
Me: But they’re not old enough to be on Facebook
Her: You don’t trust my friends
Me: Ahhhhhh!
I know I’m not the only one surprised at the number of children under the age of thirteen using Facebook (the age under which Facebook rules state that no child should have an account) but from where I’m standing it sometimes feels as if we are in the minority. Having been sent friend requests from a number of my daughter’s friends over the past two years, I do know that whilst she may be exaggerating a little, she’s not trying to pull the wool over my eyes; it is true, a lot of her friends do have Facebook accounts and many of them have had for a long time - so what am I making such a fuss about (her words, not mine), plenty of other parents help children violate Facebook's thirteen plus rule, as discovered by Dannah Boyd in a recent survey. Whilst I struggle along with may other parents about the rights and wrongs of children using Facebook, at the end of the day, for me, it comes down to this: children need protecting online. The Children’s On-line Activity Act prohibits website operators from knowingly collecting personally identifiable information from children, hence Facebook’s age restriction, but I have my role to play too and I just don’t think that Facebook is an appropriate place for her to be – not just yet.
So, dear daughter, call me overprotective (and you frequently do) but the answer still is, and will always be no, not until you're old enough. Want to communicate with your friends? Pick up the phone; it’s free to call anytime after six.
Sarah
Comments
Vicci Antoniazzi
Nov 15, 2011
Well done! More parents need to take charge, we all want to have a freindly relationship with our children but they actually do want and need boundaries, it makes them feel safe and secure. They’re not not mature enough at that age and by opening up theirs and your life to ‘so called friends’ who judge your posts and pictures can leave you vulnerable and struggling emotionally to dela with situations. I have a 16 year old daughter, I think she was about 13 when she joined, I have always known her password and have taught her how to communicate online and what to share and what not to share with ‘friends’!
Jane Cole
Nov 15, 2011
How things change in my day it was how old was old enough to have your ears pierced - I had to wait until my 16th Birthday (it was 1985!) while all my friends were having theirs done at 13!
I’m on your side on this one - and even when they get to 13 they should have parental control.
Laiq
Nov 15, 2011
I haven’t quite had this battle with my daughter yet (she turns 11 in December), but she has a couple of times mentioned that her friends are on facebook. I also will not allow her to join until she is 13. I caved with the mobile phone about a year ago, when I bought myself a new phone, and I ended up giving her my old handset with a £10 sim card in it. She rarely uses it, mainly because she forgets to charge it so very often! having given her that freedom and the freedom of being able to walk to school on her own I think she has found that she is for the time being content to not push her luck!
Heidi
Nov 15, 2011
Good for you sticking to your guns. We need more parents like you.
I believe that 13 is far too young for facebook but I’m sure in a few years time I’ll be having the same argument with my daughter. She’s already 7 going on 17 as it is! If I do let her join at 13 I will want her password and full access.
My 13 year old niece has been on facebook for a couple of years and it’s opened her up to all sorts of online abuse and bullying from so-called friends and even her (wicked) stepmother!